Feeling Blue

Lately I have been in a bit of a funk. A bit melancholy? Do you every slow down just long enough to see how fast time is moving? How you felt like just yesterday you were 16, ok, maybe not 16 but 26? I think previously I have shared about my journey through the world of fertlity treatments, etc. I don't talk about it too much anymore because I have stopped them (it's been years already) and I am moving on. Really, I am. It's just that sometimes things happen, or that baby is right in front of you and, I get sad. I get sad for something that as my life seemingly speeds on towards it's next phase, I will never have. Don't get me wrong, there are great things about my life that I thank God for everyday. But as I woman, some of us have always wanted to have the experience of something that is, as females, what makes us different from men. I think that, for me, anyway, I have always kept that little glimmer of hope in my heart, that maybe, after all the stress of trying so hard, it would, just happen. But, like I said, the next phase of my life is definetly starting, and that glimmer is beginning to fade.

So, what I have done all along is take all my emotions, and knit them into something. Knit, knit, knit. So meditative to me. I think because as I am making each stitch I am either counting, or murmuring knit, purl,knit,purl. And it works for me. It brings me a sense of peace, a sense of focus, a sense of being in this particular moment.